What Do You Really Want?

For dinner?

And breakfast and lunch. 

These are my burning questions lately. What do I really want to eat? And it’s been a rollercoaster ride finding out exactly what will nourish my body and my soul.

Here’s a perfect example. Last night all I wanted was ice cream. Ice cream, ice cream, ice cream, my brain was feverishly obsessing about the sweet, fatty deliciousness of ice cream. Vanilla ice cream in particular. So, off I ran to the local ice cream parlour, bought a perfect pint of my longed for vanilla and turned it into a salted caramel sundae. Then I was craving a chicken and cheese sandwich. I went to the kitchen and made two big, thick chicken, cheese, caramelized onion and arugula sandwiches (that I sort of shared with my dog). I tried my best to eat slowly and mindfully but it’s a learned art, let me tell you. And then I passed out on the couch, snoring a little no doubt.

This morning I woke up to puffy eyes, alarmingly red, blotchy skin and a really upset stomach. Oh no, I thought, I’m gluten sensitive after all! Or is it dairy? Or….is it me not being quite able to regulate my appetite and going overboard with too much of a good thing? I’m not sure. My first alarmed and anxious instinct (after many, many years of dieting and weird eating plans) was to hop on the gluten free, dairy free bandwagon yet again. Until I fell off, of course, yet again.

So, I guess this is where the intuitive part comes in. Eventually my body will let me know just what the hell is going on. Either I will keep feeling ill after eating wheat and dairy or I don’t. And, if I don’t, then I know that I was just a glutton last night. Plain and simple. No gluten free eating plan required. And if I am a wee bit gluten or dairy sensitive after all, then I am beginning to trust that I will figure out what to do on my own by listening closely to my body’s messages. That I’ll start eating food I love and that the food I love will love me back. No expensive diet books required.

And, how could I end this post without a photo of last night’s indulgence. Vanilla ice cream, bananas, walnuts and salted caramel sauce. Definite Foodporn.

Ice cream sundae